What You Really Learn In College February 28, 2010

Graduating from college can be upsetting when you look back and realize most of what you learned is irrelevant. But you can take solace in knowing that it wasn’t just a very expensive waste of time. You did learn something valuable, even if you don’t realize it.

Too many times I’ve heard of students who needed to be advised two or three times a semester because each advisor gave them different information. We end up taking classes we don’t need, missing opportunities we aren’t aware of making multiple trips to the Sam Center. Yes, this is madness; however, there is a lesson here. These experiences teach us what questions to ask, who we should be asking, and that we should never, ever just accept what we’re told without double checking it ourselves.

One of the hardest things for me is to actually go to all of my classes. I’m married and have two children at home, a 5-year-old son and a 4-month-old daughter, and right now I’m pregnant with our third child. So believe me, every class I make it to is a big deal.  I feel proud, because I know how hard I worked to keep my life organized enough to be there and prepared. College is the first real situation where we are responsible for getting ourselves out of the house on time. It’s not like high school where our parents were there to make sure we actually got up and went to school—here, no one cares what we do, and no one is here to help. College teaches us how to self-motivate and schedule our lives so we can accomplish our goals.

One summer, I took a class with especially dry subject matter. Sitting through lecture after lecture taken nearly verbatim from the chapter we were just quizzed on was absolutely numbing. What are we paying professors for if all they do is put the textbook up on PowerPoint and read it to us? Ten hours a week, wasted.

As much as that bothers me, having to listen as a professor slips in thinly veiled political agenda is far worse. Now, I am actually paying to be subjected to someone else’s political ideas that have nothing to do with the material and almost always differ from my own.

What do these two insanely frustrating circumstances teach students? Perhaps the most valuable lesson of all. They teach us that if we want to be successful, sometimes we have to play by someone else’s rules. Give the professor what they want, get your A and move on. Learning to play the game when we need to, and attack at only the right moment is one thing that makes college worth all the debt we’ve put ourselves in to be here.

So, even if none of that horrible math we had to learn, or passages we had to memorize will help us in the future, in the end we still come out ahead.

Children’s TV Programming February 22, 2010

Many television shows marketed towards children today are not suitable for young viewers. While there may not be swear words or nudity, there are still other things to watch out for.

Disney Channel’s Wizards of Waverly Place seems to be intentionally written to make parents look like morons. When one of the three children ignores rules or advice from their parents, somehow everything ends up fantastic. Shows like this say to today’s youth, “There is no need to listen to your old, dumb parents; just do what you want, cross your fingers and everything will work out in the end.” The show is marketed for tweens, and I have had to explain to my 5-year-old about thirty times why he can’t watch it. I don’t say because it’s too old for him; that isn’t my issue. I decide what he can watch, not a rating system, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable encouraging my son to watch that show at any age. The main character, Alex Russo, is in her early teens. She’s lazy, shows no interest in school, has a sassy attitude and frequently lies to her parents. How does a character like this help young people grow into happy, quality adults? Children go through so many changes before they reach their twenties; the thought of adding one more reason for them to think their parents are stupid should make any mother boldly object.

Another Disney gem is The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. Again, marketed towards eight-to-twelve-year-olds and again, unacceptable. The relationship between the young twin brothers, Zack and Cody, and their mother is rarely showcased and not the cause for concern. However, there are subtle sexual references that are inappropriate. The boys can’t be more than twelve and many times deliver one-liners that, hopefully, most twelve-year-olds wouldn’t even understand. With children and teens having their first sexual experiences earlier and earlier, it seems irresponsible to throw in these cheap jokes. At best they confuse the viewers, and at worst they further the belief that this type of behavior is alright, or normal.

While trying to find a suitable replacement for these shows I thought of old cartoons like, The Road Runner, Tom & Jerry and Bugs Bunny. I grew up watching these and still feel a sense of nostalgic joy when I watch them now. But at a closer look, these shows are very violent and promote the idea that death is an impermanent thing. Getting smashed overhead with an anvil, falling from steep cliffs and having random body parts explode all have little to no lasting effect on the characters. Much like many video games, these beloved classics make it hard for children to comprehend the idea of death, an already difficult topic for them to understand.

I do not believe these programs should be banned from television, or even that they are overall “bad” TV shows. What I am advocating, is the use of parental restrictions on any unhealthy additions to a child’s life. There are many programs available that do not give children a false or blurred understanding of the world. Do not let the fact that so many other kids are watching these shows have any impact on your decision. You are responsible for raising your child, no one else’s, and you should never relinquish your right to say no.

Role Models February 17, 2010

I worked out at a YMCA in Houston last month and saw a family of three. The mother’s body language made it clear that she was there only to be seen, and the boy who looked about twelve years old was just baggage for her to drag around. Every pore on her too-tan face was covered in thick, shiny make-up. Her hair was flat-ironed and down and she wore her baseball hat slightly crooked. The son repeatedly asked her how to adjust the back on the machine he was trying to use and because she wasn’t that interested in helping him, she never really answered. He asked once more and she curled up her big silver lips in disgust and loudly said, “Jesus, if you keep doing this we’re not bringing you back.” She walked away and left him there. I quickly peeked up at the father; he said nothing and continued his workout. I hate to think what happens when that boy needs help with his homework.

The best role models children have are their parents, regardless of who’s on their iPod, or starring in their favorite TV shows and movies. There are times when an older sibling, aunt or uncle, or other close relative can serve as a primary role model, but it isn’t often. The role models in that poor boy’s life are teaching him to be selfish, superficial and flat-out classless.  We should be striving to raise children with honorable values who are also of great value to society. Whether or not a person becomes of value to the world is largely effected by role models. A problem with this is the inability of some to recognize their role models, and determine if they themselves are role models for others. The argument is often made that musicians, actors, actresses and other famous people, have a responsibility to act as role models, but this is unnecessary. If parents do their job at home, it won’t matter what the famous people are doing.

Parents have the most access their children, and therefore the greatest responsibility. Children watch everything, hear everything, and understand a lot more of it than one might think. Though it puts parents under a lot of pressure, great things can be done with that kind of exposure. If a child feels love, patience and understanding from their parents, odds are they will retain those qualities and do the same for others. However, the same is then true if a child experiences disrespect, vulgarity and greed. This means that once you become a parent, you need to re-evaluate everything about yourself and decide who you want to be, and more importantly, who you want your child to grow up with.

Friendship February 8, 2010

The average person makes many mindless assumptions. One that is particularly prevalent is the assumption that everyone needs to have friends. This is untrue. For example, too often, people find themselves in situations where they feel the desire to collect outside opinions.  Friends and sometimes siblings and cousins or other close relatives are then polled, each one taking the time to share exactly how they would parry the predicament.   Once all parties have weighed in, decision time arrives and what happens? Seven to eight times out of ten, the accumulated advice is ignored and the one asking all the questions chooses to deal with the problematic issue their own way. This is of course, my educated estimation, but I guarantee I’m in the ballpark.

Why is it necessary to go through the motions if most people know what they’re going to do and are just hoping to be backed up? It seems that instead of more friends, something truly of use would be more self-confidence.

Maintaining a high quantity of friends in one person’s life is like maintaining a closet overstuffed with shoes. You keep them, even while some you can’t stand for more than thirty minutes and most are not your style anymore. The opportunity cost of keeping those “shoes” around, is severe.

Too many people in my life have been unnecessary from the start. I spent years and years surrounded by people I called friends, but I truly didn’t care what they thought about my life and the situations it presented me. Ultimately, I wasted my time, my thoughts, my money and far too much good liquor on people who didn’t really add anything positive to my life. Once I realized that, I knew I had to clean house.  It quickly became clear there is but one person who I am genuinely friends with. Only one who I would hop on a Wednesday red-eye for, no questions asked. Honestly, I wouldn’t even have time for more than one true friend.

Mindless assumptions do not get you where you need to go. Friends are not a necessity, they are an option. You can’t hold on to relationships if they keep you from becoming who you want to be.  If any part of you is reflected in my journey to understanding friendship, give yourself permission to make uncomfortable choices. Then move on—without guilt or regret.