Some things in life are sacred. For some it’s their morning coffee, for others maybe it’s the 6 a.m. tee-off on Saturday they wait all week for. For me, it’s home. Small though it may be, as we covered last week, it remains the one place where I don’t have to entertain, cater to or otherwise impress anyone but family. It is for this and several other reasons that I absolutely cannot stand surprise visits, or, sneak attacks, as I call them at home—where it doesn’t matter that it sounds mean.
Your home is the ultimate safety zone. It is the one place where you don’t have to “keep up appearances” or “fake it ‘till you make it.” You can wear super comfy clothes that don’t match and no make-up; you can even watch a marathon of The Hills. Who cares? Who’s there to see you watching bad TV instead of working out like you should be? No one. At home, you can do whatever you want—no one is there to comment or judge, no one is there to give their opinion at all. It’s a beautiful thing.
This of course, is excluding family. Sometimes there’s no way to get around unsolicited advice or intrusions on your time from family, but it’s alright. That is what families do and it’s what makes a house a home. I don’t think I’m ever actually home alone. Either Chris or Aiden, but usually both of them, are there with me, too. As much as I’d love a Saturday morning where I woke up on my own and not to the sound of something crashing to the floor—I know that won’t be happening for years to come so I’ve found ways to relax and feel at ease with them. Now I can even read while the two of them have a light saber duel and pay the bills during heated superhero battles. This type of interference I find totally acceptable. It’s when it comes from outside sources that a sneak attack inflicts the most damage.
When a friend, co-worker or anyone other than my immediate family shows up unannounced I instantly feel uneasy. I start casually picking up the apartment, scanning the kitchen for too-dirty dishes, basically freaking out that someone might think my place is messy. I cannot stand messes and do my best to keep up with the house, but sometimes trying is not enough. Sometimes a night, or two, will go by without my washing the dinner dishes before bed, or the “breakfast pie” Aiden made while I was in the shower—olive oil, cocoa powder, baking soda, carrot sticks and orange juice all layered in a pie plate—sits on the kitchen counter for two days before being put down the disposal. Things like this I should be able to keep to myself, not be forced to share with anyone who decides to pop over to borrow my iPod or return a book.
I can’t imagine a scenario in which a sneak attack is unavoidable in today’s highly technologically-advanced society. There are cell phones, Blackberries, video phones, IMing, texting and even pagers and home phones for all the dinosaurs out there. How could it be that the unsuspecting victim was ever unreachable?
“Oh we just wanted to stop by real quick,” some say.
To them, a simple truth must be told. You are being inconsiderate. People have their own lives and make their own plans and I’m guessing that dropping everything for you is not involved at all. Call first. Showing up on someone’s doorstep is just rude.
“My phone died when I tried to call on the way over,” say others.
This is why mankind invented chargers, people. Use them. Better still, you should make plans before even leaving the house. It doesn’t make sense to spend your time stopping somewhere you aren’t sure will be worth your time.
Often, Chris and I have pretended to be out when someone knocked on the door, just because we didn’t feel like dealing with company. Especially uninvited company. Is this maybe a bit crazy? Sure. Mean even? Probably. But the little time left for us at the end of the day is something I don’t want to loose to anything let alone door-to-door religious people or friends who can’t pick up a phone.
Call it unreasonable, call it anti-social, call it whatever you want as long as you call it in ahead of time.
Reservations Required January 23, 2009
Learning, Living and Loving Patience January 15, 2009
Waiting for things has never been my style. Once I decide something should happen, together, my excitement and determination turn into rocket fuel and I work and work until I get the results I want.
It has been with great frustration and an enormous amount of restraint that I have agreed to stay in my way-too-small apartment for another year. My fiancé and I decided that the fiscally responsible decision would be to stay where we’re at until after our wedding in July and plan on moving into a home by Christmas. I’ve since concluded that I must not have been listening and therefore my agreement is invalid. A year, twelve months, fifty-two weeks . . . what was I thinking?
As of now I am living in a 971 square foot, two bedroom apartment. If I lived alone this would be great for now. However, the addition of a fiancé, a 4-year-old, a beast-of-a-treadmill, two large recliners, one ottoman, two desks, a filing cabinet, a craft organizer and all of the usual things like bedroom furniture, a couch, entertainment center, etc…it’s a challenge to even walk around.
My kitchen is just, well, it’s a little like trying to cook in a kitchen designed for Thumbelina. It’s cute, but far too small. There is almost no counter space once you add in the microwave and coffee pot, so where can I prepare anything? Enter Mr. Stovetop. This, I know, it totally ridiculous, but when you’re short on space and options you must get creative.
After two and a half years in this apartment, I am so beyond ready to move I often find myself making plans as if I actually were. I pour over the classifieds section looking for three bedroom, two bath houses and write down numbers almost daily. I know that I agreed, that I gave Chris my word . . . but somehow pretending otherwise makes it easier to deal with the reality of my tightly cramped, stovetop abusing situation.
Since I have given my word and I don’t think my “I wasn’t listening” idea is going to fly, I now accept that I have to find a way to be at least content here until Christmas.
Strategy number one: immerse myself in wedding mania. Until now I haven’t really been into the whole planning part of my upcoming nuptials, where as most bride-to-bes go into overdrive the moment Mr. Right slides a ring on their finger. I basically put it off until my friends and family started making me feel lazy. Now, in a matter of weeks, Chris and I have chosen and booked a ceremony site, a reception site, send out an update e-mail to my six lovely bridesmaids, picked out very sweet invitations, nailed down a specific time for the ceremony and reserved our hotel room for the wedding night. Kudos to me, for I have successfully distracted myself from my desire to move by replacing it with the burden of hundreds of wedding tasks.
Strategy number two: follow through with obligations already set in place. My life is very busy even on a slow day, so I have decided to attack all unfinished projects and goals to help push back thoughts of big backyards and feng shuied home offices. Currently I am putting together the family cookbook I started long before Thanksgiving, working out regularly to accomplish my weight-loss goal (for life, not just the wedding,) spending more down time with my joyful little boy and putting a lot of energy into doing well in school. The last seven years of my life I’ve been a college student. No, I’m not in med-school, I’m just taking a round about way to the finish line. I’m a senior at Sam Houston State University and have been “about to graduate” for nearly three years now. It’s time to kick it into gear and get that diploma locked down and out of the way.
Thankfully this apartment/house situation has forced me to look deep into my life and see what I am actually accomplishing in it. There will always be something I want, something I think I need. Learning to wait and give ideas a little more time to marinate before making big changes is an ability I know will enable me to succeed long term.
This doesn’t mean I believe in procrastination or sauntering through life. Once you’ve given an issue the proper consideration, it’s got to be go time. Now, is all the time anyone has to make a difference or to make an impact. Now, is the only chance anyone gets to make their lives a more accurate reflection of themselves.
How-To: Bring Your Family Closer Together January 8, 2009
New Years has come and gone and I must admit, I made no formal resolutions. But, unofficially, I did recently decide to modify my home-life around in hopes of bringing my family and I closer together. A couple of the changes we’ve made so far are logical, free and seem to have made a substantial difference.
Get up early every day and spend your mornings together. Though I am very much a night person (there’s something about the night that just makes it easier to breathe, to think and to write . . .) this has been my favorite change so far. I’ve found the dim, quiet morning to be a very relaxed time when you can just be together while you slowly get ready for the day. I realize that most of us struggle with just getting up on time let alone early, but if you set up as much as you can the night before it will be a lot easier to have extra time in the morning. This includes the coffee pot, everyone’s breakfast and lunch, preparations for dinner, all outfits complete with briefcases/purses and anything else that can be done ahead of time. When these things are already done, it makes the chances of racing around in the morning and being late to work very slim, thus giving you a low-stress start to the day. Yes, it means you will have to make time in your already jam packed schedule to work on tasks for tomorrow’s adventures—but remember, this way you’re giving yourself about 14 hours to get these things done instead of maybe two. Besides, it just makes sense to start your day off as peacefully as you can so you’re better equipped to deal with the demands you’re sure to face later on. Sharing this time with your family gives you a wonderful sense that you’re “in it together.” For parents, taking the extra time to cook your children breakfast and talk to them about whatever is on their increasingly inquisitive minds can make a big difference in what kind of parent both you and your child see you as. If you’re there to listen, more often than not you’ll find they will want to share their thoughts with you.
Another great idea is to save errands for Saturday and Sunday. Most of us are guilty of cramming everything into our weekly routine just to free up the weekend. Spending almost no time together five nights in a row so you can maybe spend two days together at the end of an exhausting week doesn’t make sense. It breaks up the consistency people, families and especially children need to feel secure and be truly content with their home-lives. Come home after work; don’t line up three or four stops along the way. Mix things up by surprising your child up with an impromptu trip to the park, the batting cages or the movies. If you don’t have children, go to the park yourself and take a walk or knock out tomorrow’s prep work early. Board games and cards are always fun and the kids will love to play. Seeing your loved ones happy and excited is a natural stress reliever and gives you a warming feeling of contentment. Theme nights are great to try out, too, like, sports night with hot wings, a game of catch and an evening showing of The Sandlot. (Hint: men tend to be happier when tasty food is involved!) Whatever you do, just do it together. By making yourself available to your family it lets them know you have made them a priority and you value their company. Nail shops, hair salons and grocery stores are all open on Saturdays, ladies. Make due. Menu planning and to-do/shopping lists really help here. Of course there will always be something you can’t avoid doing during the week, so in these cases make every effort to take care of it on your lunch break. You will have to do some things on weeknights, but just make sure it’s the exception the rule and not your normal routine.
The most important part of being a closer family is truly being grateful for the time you have to spend together, whether it’s thirty minutes a day or three hours—be grateful. Teach your children how to thrive and be happy in all situations by offering yourself as an example. Everyone’s lives are different but I believe the basic principals behind these suggestions can be helpful to all. Your life only happens once; there are no second chances to be a better mother, father, son, daughter, sister or brother—so be who you want to be every moment you can.
