Going Green April 21, 2010

The green movement has always been something I can’t quite nail down my feelings about. My love-hate-relationship with the widely promoted idea leaves me with the belief that, as with most things, the truth is to be found somewhere in the middle.

One thing I have found to be quite nice about the concept, is that many places asks if you want a receipt after a purchase. I assume this is an effort to cut down on the use of (and cost of) paper goods, and I have to say, I like it. Debit transactions usually show up on my online statement almost immediately anyway, and if I pay with cash, I don’t need a receipt for most things. This has saved my beloved bags from being constantly littered with crumpled-up receipts that elicit a grumble of irritation from me as I fumble around for my Blistex.

My favorite thing about America “going green”, is the use of paperless billing. I love avoiding a bombardment of dozens of statements, invoices and policy change notices in the mail. The paperwork situation in my den was getting serious; there was no room left to work and no time to file everything away. Unless dealt with everyday, it was unmanageable. Now, simply by clicking on the cute little green leaf icon, I can confirm my decision to go paperless, and consequently, take back my writing space.

With both my purse and home office now enjoying great improvements, I hate to rain on the green parade, but I must. The most annoying thing about this social shift is the re-usable shopping bags at grocery stores. Sam’s Club doesn’t even offer bags to its customers; I don’t know if they claim to have environmental reasons for this, but I wouldn’t care even if they did. I’ve seen re-usable bags on sale at many other stores, and I think to myself, why spend the money to buy something that you are giving away for free six feet away? This echoes the debate over whether we should be paying for news content on the internet. Aside from the financial aspect, myself and many other people re-use shopping bags for various things ourselves. We use them to line waste baskets, pack up boxed leftovers for a friend, double-wrap meat as it defrosts in the fridge…the list goes on. So, where does the majority of benefit go from the consumer spending even more money to buy their groceries? My guess would be the pocketbooks of CEOs.

I love the earth, but stupid ideas are stupid ideas, no matter what they claim to support. Fewer receipts and paperless billing are both wonderful and do appear to support a greener way of life, which is phenomenal. But if I shop, you bag—it should be that simple.  I truly hope to see the green movement succeed overall, but would like it to do so through valuable innovations that respect the current climate, to which most remain acclimated.

USA: Quick to Divorce April 21, 2010

According to the CDC, as of Dec. 2008 the US divorce rate is just a fraction under 50 percent. America, we are doing something wrong.

Divorce can be prevented by simply waiting to tie the knot. We cannot manipulate the pace of love; it varies with each individual and within each couple. When it’s right, you really do “just know”. But that doesn’t mean you should book the chapel the moment it feels right.  From day one, I knew Chris, now my husband, was going to be a huge part of my life. When I came home from our first date, I shut the front door, walked over to my father as I giddily swung my purse alongside me, and said, “I am defiantly seeing him again!” I knew then, and married him eight and a half years later. Yes, we waited an unusually long time before we got married, but perhaps that’s part of why I was so sure and blissful when we finally did. I had no doubts. We had spent enough time with each other to dispel all uncertainty and see that what we had, we wanted to keep forever. Chris and I were lucky enough to have a very powerful connection from the beginning, but our story is rare. Committing your life to another person while the relationship is still young does not make sense, no matter how sure you are. Love must be given time to cycle through its natural highs and lows before the sacrament of marriage is received.

Additionally, good, old fashion, hard work can save marriages. The institution of marriage was not designed to be easy, even when it’s with the right person. Many marriages today crumble quickly when faced with challenges. For example, parents of multiples are more likely to divorce than other married couples. The same is true for couples who experience the death of a child. Problems with finances and children top the list of reasons why people divorce. Stress could bring you together, if you choose to face it as a team. You must compromise, truly open your mind to other views of the world, and even decide to live with things you don’t agree with but cannot change. You must genuinely accept your spouse, just the way they are. Be their strength when they have none, and carry them when the weight of the world has left them flattened to the earth.

Marriage a life-long journey with lessons that can take years or even decades to reveal themselves. Over time, we are shown the beauty, meaning, and true value of this union of souls. Value of this magnitude must be protected and supported by all. Society needs to re-evaluate the degree of importance placed upon the sacrament of holy matrimony, and help put an end to the plague of broken homes in America.

Perfume Banned at Work March 16, 2010

The city of Detroit has started posting warning signs in city offices, instructing workers to avoid wearing any type of scented product,  including colognes, aftershave, perfumes, deodorants, facial/body lotions, as well as the use of scented candles, perfume samples from magazines and air fresheners.

Some details are yet unknown, but this seems to be in response a 2008 federal lawsuit, which awarded $100,000 to Susan McBride, a woman who claimed a coworker’s perfume made it difficult for her to breathe and do her job.  The woman sued the city under the Americans with Disabilities Act, though the city argued that she is not disabled.

Though the article does not explicitly say McBride has asthma, it does say that people with medical conditions such as asthma, suffer greatly from chemical smells at work. While this may be true, the responsibility has been placed on the wrong party. The general public should not have their freedoms taken away to satisfy a minority. It is up to the individual to take measures to protect themselves against danger. If perfume is dangerous to some, then they need to tailor their lives accordingly.  If not, there will come a time when people can’t eat junk food at work anymore because a fat person may see them, fail to restrain themselves from indulging as well, and then suffer from greater obesity issues.

McBride’s attorney actually likened the situation to that of the fight against smoking in the workplace.

Are you kidding me?

Smoking, whether it be first-hand or second-hand, directly causes death. Although I have an inborn urge to fight back against any and all restrictions on the personal freedoms of Americans, I acknowledge the need for some smoking laws. However, I have come across no perfume that could kill me.  Never have I sniffed a scented candle so powerful, I felt my ability to function was even the slightest bit impaired. This is just plain ludicrous.

Allowing personal freedoms to be taken away is a slippery slope. First it’s smoking, then it’s cupcakes, then R-rated movies…there is no end in sight. The attacks can be made out in the open, as in this case, or they may be hidden via higher sales tax as with cigarettes.

It sounds right at first, to ban people from doing things that can possibly harm others. But whenever you are faced with a situation like this, remember to take a look at the problem’s true cause and who is being asked to pay the price for it. The truth is, asthma and conditions like it can be very hard to live with. Luckily, not everyone is burdened with it. So, why then should everyone be required to give up their personal freedoms because of it?

Pregnancy Woes March 8, 2010

Pregnancy is a time filled with joy, excitement, bonding and love. Unfortunately, it’s also filled with fear, exhaustion, hormones and pain. Luckily, women posses the ability to repress unpleasant memories from pregnancy, allowing us to be willing to further perpetuate our species. Without this ability, the human race would be in real trouble.

When you’re pregnant, you spend a great deal of time worrying about and planning for things you have no control over. It is immensely draining. With my daughter, Michelle, we were told very early in the pregnancy that she had an elevated chance of being born with Down Syndrome. We were given options, and chose not to have any tests done. Whatever happened to our little girl, we decided, we would handle. For months my husband and I tried not to think about it or bring it up in conversation, but it was always in the back of our minds, and clenched tightly around my heart as the fear made it beat faster and faster. Thankfully, Michelle was born without Down Syndrome. But I spent a long time stressing myself out over it, and stress can lead to many serious things if kept at too high a level for long.

During this pregnancy, I am finding the lack of caffeine especially stressful. The fist trimester knocks most women out with the total body exhaustion and inability to sleep soundly. I, sadly, am no exception. You’d think the body would allow for some kind of energy boost, but all we get is the “high” from our daily exercise. As if that could cut it. Where’s my venti Skinny Vanilla Lattes? The irony here angers me. Yes, most doctors allow a small amount of coffee per day, but I know myself—I would never order a small coffee. But that doesn’t stop me from covertly glaring wickedly at others as they walk by me holding their Starbucks cups.  I’m so tired I sometimes daydream about smacking that cup right to the ground. Yes, pregnancy makes you crazy.

Crazy like a fox, no. Crazy like a great big mess of emotions with low self esteem, lots of uncertainty and a hurricane of non-stop tears, DING DING DING! The ups and downs are surprisingly frequent. One minute I’m laying down because of my back pain or the insane stomach problems I now get from nearly everything I eat—then the next I’m up deep cleaning a closet. My poor husband does his best to understand what’s happening and be there for me.  I honestly feel bad for him some days, until two minutes go by and I’m back throwing attitude at him. 

Even with all this, I am still thrilled to be having another baby. It is a truly beautiful thing and I love being a mother. But I don’t know if I’d ever choose to go through the pain of pregnancy and childbirth again if I fully remembered them. Thumbs up to Mother Nature for that magic memory-erasing ability.

What You Really Learn In College February 28, 2010

Graduating from college can be upsetting when you look back and realize most of what you learned is irrelevant. But you can take solace in knowing that it wasn’t just a very expensive waste of time. You did learn something valuable, even if you don’t realize it.

Too many times I’ve heard of students who needed to be advised two or three times a semester because each advisor gave them different information. We end up taking classes we don’t need, missing opportunities we aren’t aware of making multiple trips to the Sam Center. Yes, this is madness; however, there is a lesson here. These experiences teach us what questions to ask, who we should be asking, and that we should never, ever just accept what we’re told without double checking it ourselves.

One of the hardest things for me is to actually go to all of my classes. I’m married and have two children at home, a 5-year-old son and a 4-month-old daughter, and right now I’m pregnant with our third child. So believe me, every class I make it to is a big deal.  I feel proud, because I know how hard I worked to keep my life organized enough to be there and prepared. College is the first real situation where we are responsible for getting ourselves out of the house on time. It’s not like high school where our parents were there to make sure we actually got up and went to school—here, no one cares what we do, and no one is here to help. College teaches us how to self-motivate and schedule our lives so we can accomplish our goals.

One summer, I took a class with especially dry subject matter. Sitting through lecture after lecture taken nearly verbatim from the chapter we were just quizzed on was absolutely numbing. What are we paying professors for if all they do is put the textbook up on PowerPoint and read it to us? Ten hours a week, wasted.

As much as that bothers me, having to listen as a professor slips in thinly veiled political agenda is far worse. Now, I am actually paying to be subjected to someone else’s political ideas that have nothing to do with the material and almost always differ from my own.

What do these two insanely frustrating circumstances teach students? Perhaps the most valuable lesson of all. They teach us that if we want to be successful, sometimes we have to play by someone else’s rules. Give the professor what they want, get your A and move on. Learning to play the game when we need to, and attack at only the right moment is one thing that makes college worth all the debt we’ve put ourselves in to be here.

So, even if none of that horrible math we had to learn, or passages we had to memorize will help us in the future, in the end we still come out ahead.

Children’s TV Programming February 22, 2010

Many television shows marketed towards children today are not suitable for young viewers. While there may not be swear words or nudity, there are still other things to watch out for.

Disney Channel’s Wizards of Waverly Place seems to be intentionally written to make parents look like morons. When one of the three children ignores rules or advice from their parents, somehow everything ends up fantastic. Shows like this say to today’s youth, “There is no need to listen to your old, dumb parents; just do what you want, cross your fingers and everything will work out in the end.” The show is marketed for tweens, and I have had to explain to my 5-year-old about thirty times why he can’t watch it. I don’t say because it’s too old for him; that isn’t my issue. I decide what he can watch, not a rating system, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable encouraging my son to watch that show at any age. The main character, Alex Russo, is in her early teens. She’s lazy, shows no interest in school, has a sassy attitude and frequently lies to her parents. How does a character like this help young people grow into happy, quality adults? Children go through so many changes before they reach their twenties; the thought of adding one more reason for them to think their parents are stupid should make any mother boldly object.

Another Disney gem is The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. Again, marketed towards eight-to-twelve-year-olds and again, unacceptable. The relationship between the young twin brothers, Zack and Cody, and their mother is rarely showcased and not the cause for concern. However, there are subtle sexual references that are inappropriate. The boys can’t be more than twelve and many times deliver one-liners that, hopefully, most twelve-year-olds wouldn’t even understand. With children and teens having their first sexual experiences earlier and earlier, it seems irresponsible to throw in these cheap jokes. At best they confuse the viewers, and at worst they further the belief that this type of behavior is alright, or normal.

While trying to find a suitable replacement for these shows I thought of old cartoons like, The Road Runner, Tom & Jerry and Bugs Bunny. I grew up watching these and still feel a sense of nostalgic joy when I watch them now. But at a closer look, these shows are very violent and promote the idea that death is an impermanent thing. Getting smashed overhead with an anvil, falling from steep cliffs and having random body parts explode all have little to no lasting effect on the characters. Much like many video games, these beloved classics make it hard for children to comprehend the idea of death, an already difficult topic for them to understand.

I do not believe these programs should be banned from television, or even that they are overall “bad” TV shows. What I am advocating, is the use of parental restrictions on any unhealthy additions to a child’s life. There are many programs available that do not give children a false or blurred understanding of the world. Do not let the fact that so many other kids are watching these shows have any impact on your decision. You are responsible for raising your child, no one else’s, and you should never relinquish your right to say no.

Role Models February 17, 2010

I worked out at a YMCA in Houston last month and saw a family of three. The mother’s body language made it clear that she was there only to be seen, and the boy who looked about twelve years old was just baggage for her to drag around. Every pore on her too-tan face was covered in thick, shiny make-up. Her hair was flat-ironed and down and she wore her baseball hat slightly crooked. The son repeatedly asked her how to adjust the back on the machine he was trying to use and because she wasn’t that interested in helping him, she never really answered. He asked once more and she curled up her big silver lips in disgust and loudly said, “Jesus, if you keep doing this we’re not bringing you back.” She walked away and left him there. I quickly peeked up at the father; he said nothing and continued his workout. I hate to think what happens when that boy needs help with his homework.

The best role models children have are their parents, regardless of who’s on their iPod, or starring in their favorite TV shows and movies. There are times when an older sibling, aunt or uncle, or other close relative can serve as a primary role model, but it isn’t often. The role models in that poor boy’s life are teaching him to be selfish, superficial and flat-out classless.  We should be striving to raise children with honorable values who are also of great value to society. Whether or not a person becomes of value to the world is largely effected by role models. A problem with this is the inability of some to recognize their role models, and determine if they themselves are role models for others. The argument is often made that musicians, actors, actresses and other famous people, have a responsibility to act as role models, but this is unnecessary. If parents do their job at home, it won’t matter what the famous people are doing.

Parents have the most access their children, and therefore the greatest responsibility. Children watch everything, hear everything, and understand a lot more of it than one might think. Though it puts parents under a lot of pressure, great things can be done with that kind of exposure. If a child feels love, patience and understanding from their parents, odds are they will retain those qualities and do the same for others. However, the same is then true if a child experiences disrespect, vulgarity and greed. This means that once you become a parent, you need to re-evaluate everything about yourself and decide who you want to be, and more importantly, who you want your child to grow up with.

Friendship February 8, 2010

The average person makes many mindless assumptions. One that is particularly prevalent is the assumption that everyone needs to have friends. This is untrue. For example, too often, people find themselves in situations where they feel the desire to collect outside opinions.  Friends and sometimes siblings and cousins or other close relatives are then polled, each one taking the time to share exactly how they would parry the predicament.   Once all parties have weighed in, decision time arrives and what happens? Seven to eight times out of ten, the accumulated advice is ignored and the one asking all the questions chooses to deal with the problematic issue their own way. This is of course, my educated estimation, but I guarantee I’m in the ballpark.

Why is it necessary to go through the motions if most people know what they’re going to do and are just hoping to be backed up? It seems that instead of more friends, something truly of use would be more self-confidence.

Maintaining a high quantity of friends in one person’s life is like maintaining a closet overstuffed with shoes. You keep them, even while some you can’t stand for more than thirty minutes and most are not your style anymore. The opportunity cost of keeping those “shoes” around, is severe.

Too many people in my life have been unnecessary from the start. I spent years and years surrounded by people I called friends, but I truly didn’t care what they thought about my life and the situations it presented me. Ultimately, I wasted my time, my thoughts, my money and far too much good liquor on people who didn’t really add anything positive to my life. Once I realized that, I knew I had to clean house.  It quickly became clear there is but one person who I am genuinely friends with. Only one who I would hop on a Wednesday red-eye for, no questions asked. Honestly, I wouldn’t even have time for more than one true friend.

Mindless assumptions do not get you where you need to go. Friends are not a necessity, they are an option. You can’t hold on to relationships if they keep you from becoming who you want to be.  If any part of you is reflected in my journey to understanding friendship, give yourself permission to make uncomfortable choices. Then move on—without guilt or regret.

Cool Under Pressure January 30, 2009

When two people become one under the sacrament of holy matrimony, beauty blooms in the hearts of all who bear witness. I spent last weekend in Austin to see two good friends of mine get married. Henry Lambracht III and Danielle Van Hoven hosted a truly beautiful event at their new home for more than sixty people on Jan. 24, 2009, and I was lucky enough to be one of them.

With my own nuptials fast approaching it was hard not to visualize myself in Danielle’s place. She had dozens of things to do before walking down the isle at 2 p.m. and I never saw her miss a step.

Danielle mingled, smiled and made coffee—she glided through without letting the pressure of the day flatten her.

One of the things that make me the most nervous about my wedding day is that I will melt-down in front of guests, any of my six bridesmaids or anyone at all. I am very concerned with making sure I keep it together before, during and after the ceremony, and I am now convinced that all I need to do is have Danielle do it for me.

It will be perfection: she can walk down the isle while everyone looks at her, her heart pounding with anxiety as every step she takes is seen by dozens . . . and I’ll just chill in the back with a mojito. I’ll let her be the one who tries not to speed through her vows, sobbing so badly that not even the groom can understand her (as I am terrified will most certainly happen to me.) I know my husband-to-be will understand my needing a pinch hitter. Chris would laugh and say, “Oh, my crazy little Meagan.” Danielle and I can switch back right before the reception. That way she’ll be available if I need her to deal with a drunk cousin who’s hitting on the wait staff—without going Bridezilla on him.

She and Henry both have the very same way of getting things done without letting emotions cause a problem.

I sat in the backseat of Danielle’s car on our way back from our hair appointment and watched as she laughed and talked to all three of us girls who came along. I don’t really know how I knew; her lips were moving, but I could tell her mind was racing at two hundred times that speed. She was thinking about the tulle and flowers blowing off of the handmade arch in her backyard, how the men had forgotten to pick up an extension cord for the twinkle lights, why the red detailing on her exquisite cake did not match the apple-red ribbon sample she gave the baker. As I looked at her I was just speechless. Danielle was super-bride. I was in awe.

While the ladies were out at Visible Changes and then of course, Starbucks, all the men and the lovely Jessica were at the house doing the heavy lifting. There were chairs to put out, food to make, isle runners to lay, tables to arrange and so much more. Chris later told me he had just as much fun as I did and how much good it felt to help them put the day together.

This is so contrary to nearly every other wedding day story I’ve heard. Fun? Wasn’t the wedding party supposed to be forced to deal with impossible requests and combating the icy chill of cold feet? Where was the last minute panicking, the tears and the attack of wide-spread commitment phobia? All were a total no-show. I could barely believe it.

I left the newlyweds’ lovely home Sunday afternoon with so much more than I showed up with Friday night. I took a sense of peace and happiness with me that made me feel secure and eager to move forward with my own plans. The peacefulness I felt could have been because our loveable but attention-demanding son spent the weekend with Chris’s mother instead of with us, but the happiness was defiantly straight from Henry and Danielle. I could not imagine a couple handling such an event with more grace or more certainty. With this good example in mind, I hope future brides can make the most of every moment of that holy day, and to remember that it’s about what they’re committing to each other, and not how anything looks while they do it.

Reservations Required January 23, 2009

Some things in life are sacred. For some it’s their morning coffee, for others maybe it’s the 6 a.m. tee-off on Saturday they wait all week for. For me, it’s home. Small though it may be, as we covered last week, it remains the one place where I don’t have to entertain, cater to or otherwise impress anyone but family. It is for this and several other reasons that I absolutely cannot stand surprise visits, or, sneak attacks, as I call them at home—where it doesn’t matter that it sounds mean.
Your home is the ultimate safety zone. It is the one place where you don’t have to “keep up appearances” or “fake it ‘till you make it.” You can wear super comfy clothes that don’t match and no make-up; you can even watch a marathon of The Hills. Who cares? Who’s there to see you watching bad TV instead of working out like you should be? No one. At home, you can do whatever you want—no one is there to comment or judge, no one is there to give their opinion at all. It’s a beautiful thing.
This of course, is excluding family. Sometimes there’s no way to get around unsolicited advice or intrusions on your time from family, but it’s alright. That is what families do and it’s what makes a house a home. I don’t think I’m ever actually home alone. Either Chris or Aiden, but usually both of them, are there with me, too. As much as I’d love a Saturday morning where I woke up on my own and not to the sound of something crashing to the floor—I know that won’t be happening for years to come so I’ve found ways to relax and feel at ease with them. Now I can even read while the two of them have a light saber duel and pay the bills during heated superhero battles. This type of interference I find totally acceptable. It’s when it comes from outside sources that a sneak attack inflicts the most damage.
When a friend, co-worker or anyone other than my immediate family shows up unannounced I instantly feel uneasy. I start casually picking up the apartment, scanning the kitchen for too-dirty dishes, basically freaking out that someone might think my place is messy. I cannot stand messes and do my best to keep up with the house, but sometimes trying is not enough. Sometimes a night, or two, will go by without my washing the dinner dishes before bed, or the “breakfast pie” Aiden made while I was in the shower—olive oil, cocoa powder, baking soda, carrot sticks and orange juice all layered in a pie plate—sits on the kitchen counter for two days before being put down the disposal. Things like this I should be able to keep to myself, not be forced to share with anyone who decides to pop over to borrow my iPod or return a book.
I can’t imagine a scenario in which a sneak attack is unavoidable in today’s highly technologically-advanced society. There are cell phones, Blackberries, video phones, IMing, texting and even pagers and home phones for all the dinosaurs out there. How could it be that the unsuspecting victim was ever unreachable?
“Oh we just wanted to stop by real quick,” some say.
To them, a simple truth must be told. You are being inconsiderate. People have their own lives and make their own plans and I’m guessing that dropping everything for you is not involved at all. Call first. Showing up on someone’s doorstep is just rude.
“My phone died when I tried to call on the way over,” say others.
This is why mankind invented chargers, people. Use them. Better still, you should make plans before even leaving the house. It doesn’t make sense to spend your time stopping somewhere you aren’t sure will be worth your time.
Often, Chris and I have pretended to be out when someone knocked on the door, just because we didn’t feel like dealing with company. Especially uninvited company. Is this maybe a bit crazy? Sure. Mean even? Probably. But the little time left for us at the end of the day is something I don’t want to loose to anything let alone door-to-door religious people or friends who can’t pick up a phone.
Call it unreasonable, call it anti-social, call it whatever you want as long as you call it in ahead of time.